I Never Dreamed: A Poem

I Never Dreamed
June 20, 2007

When I was six
playing house with my friend,
I always thought
life would be easy
once I was grown and
could do what I want;
I never dreamed
I would spend my fifteenth anniversary
packing my clothes and my books
to move out of my husband's house.

When I was ten
playing school with my sister,
I always thought
I would teach young children;
I never dreamed
I would sit at a desk
reading and writing e-mails
answering the phone
and crunching numbers for a living.

When I was sixteen
admiring my new curves,
I always thought
I would be slender and young;
I never dreamed
how fleeting youth is
how much work slender takes.

When I was twenty
graduating from college,
I always thought
I needed nobody;
I never dreamed
how much we need each other
even just to know
that someone else is there,
someone who may not know
exactly what I'm feeling
but who's been to the neighborhood.

When I was twenty-five
watching my children sleep,
I always thought
they'd be just as they are now;
I never dreamed
how much they were already their own selves,
how much they would grow
and develop and change,
how they would come to learn
every last one of these lessons
the hard way.

When I was thirty
spinning my wheels,
I always thought
I would be depressed forever;
I never dreamed
I could find hope for the future
after watching always thought
turn into never dreamed.
I never dreamed
I could find myself to be
lovable, lovely,
needed, loved.
I never dreamed
I could find faith again -
faith in my God or
faith in my people
or faith in myself.