Bleah

I'm not doing so well this week. I'm having more pain than I've had since the week of my shoulder operation. I'm hitting the pain pills, and the cryo-packs are on my shoulder about 50% of my waking hours. And now, since God is a man, I have cramps and moodiness, too. In fact, I've got this big, deep, hot core of anger, and I walk around feeling like a volcano that is just waiting for the slightest trigger to erupt.

I have a to-do list a mile long and growing, and I just don't feel physically able to get a lot of the stuff done right now. I'm somewhat afraid to ask for help, though, because everything's been going so well, and I don't want to get lectures about overdoing things, when I really don't think I have. But it seems like a bajillion niggling little annoyances have been coming up lately, and they just don't end.

There are some things that make me happy. I've put pretty houseplants throughout my apartment, and they cheer me. On my patio, I keep a corncob and a little dish of peanuts for the squirrel who lives in the tree outside my door. I love to watch him come over for treats. He will eat one peanut, then take the next to his nest, then eat one, and then take the next to his nest. And every so often, he buries one in my patio plants. It's also fun to watch him with the corncobs. He picks off the kernels and just eats the little germ at the bottom of each, leaving most of each kernel behind. The next morning, a flock of ducks will sweep across my patio, cleaning up all of those corn kernels. Then, because they haven't eaten their fill just yet, the young ones spend about ten minutes pecking at the round corncob, trying to get the kernels off of it, and of course, failing dismally. I know I shouldn't laugh, but it's hilarious. I have a new birdfeeder hanging over my patio, with a big middle section for seed (hulless, so I don't have a mess to clean up), a side section for suet cakes, and another side section for suet or peanut nuggets. I haven't seen any customers yet, but I'm watching.

A few months ago, I found a cassette tape drive for the computer. It lets you play your old cassettes through your computer's sound system, and also lets you "rip" your old tapes to digital files (MP3s). I'm so excited about this, because some of my old tapes are not available in a digital format any more. And others are recordings of performances I was in, so I'll be able to listen to those again. I'm not sure exactly how long it's been since I've had anything that plays cassette tapes! So anyway, I got it all plugged in and set up last night, and tested it briefly. That tape sounded good. I was so pleased. I can't wait to play with it some more.

It looks like my separation agreement is almost finalized. This is very good, but I expect it to be very hard when we come together to sign it.

At today's program management review, my boss is going to announce a reorganization - oops, I mean - realignment. Some people will lose their jobs. I will be reporting to a different manager. Thankfully this is someone I've known and worked very well with for years, but the change does bring some uncertainty and anxiety for me. It looks like I'll be able to streamline what I do and to spend more time on the things I love. So we'll see how that goes.

It looks like I'm the newest member of the Department of Communications of our diocese, which desperately needs help in the communications area.

And on the ministry schedule that will come out later this week, I'm going to be scheduled in four different ministries - reading the lessons, leading the prayers of the people, offering laying on of hands for healing during eucharist, and taking communion to parishioners who can't come to the church on Sunday. I'm starting voice lessons in just over a week, with the same instructor who is teaching the munchkins' piano lessons, and really loving participating in the choir. And I have another big project at the church that I'm working on right now, but I'm keeping it quiet for the time being. So there is much at play in my life.